Happy Chanukah.

Wishing our Jewish friends
and family members a
safe and happy Chanukah.
"Chag urim sameach!"😊😉

RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS (and Tuesdays and Wednesdays and..........)☹️😢🌧️☔💧

Video credit:Martin Santiago.

ENOUGH IS AS GOOD AS A FEAST 😋🍗🥧🍷!!!

Thanksgiving was this past Thursday, here in our neck of the woods. Traditionally, the above photo or something like it, is what I could expect from my Tess, but not this year.

We've been on another one of her crazy diets and apparently spreads like the one above , are not on the program. When I asked her what we were having, she gave me that look again😞and said "Tofurkey".
Me: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!😱😫😭
Tess: But you are doing so well! Your cheeks are pink, your eyes are bright and your tummy is getting flatter and I can get so much closer to you when we snuggle 🤗👍!

While that IS true, I feel that I deserve a reward for🏅being such a good boy lately and so I insisted on a traditional Thanksgiving dinner with all of the trimmings 🍗🥧🍷.
She told me that I would have to cook it myself 😲!!! Why? Because it was only going to be the two of us and all of those leftovers would be too tempting. She envisioned me making skyhigh Dagwood sandwiches full of turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and gravy. Am I the only one who puts mashed potatoes in there too ?

Me: Let's go to a restaurant !
Tess: Thanksgiving is in two days! No one will have a table.
Me: Take out ?
Tess: No.
Me:🤔 Fine, I'll cook ! Just enough for the two of us......and maybe one sandwich ?😇
She looked doubtful, but then she smiled and hugged me and said that she was looking forward to it.

To the store !!!

I looked at the frozen turkeys, but the butcher told me I didn't have much time for defrosting AND roasting. Besides, no leftovers 🙄!
I looked at already roasted turkey in the deli, ground turkey, Tofurkey 🤢.I strolled through the produce section and imagined having to peel and boil all of those potatoes, making cranberry sauce, tearing up all of the bread for the stuffing and I was already tired. Ok, I admit it😞! I AM A LAZY MAN !!!

That's why I hired a private chef in the first place ! I want food, good food and lots of it, but I don't want to have to make it myself ! I like eating in restaurants because you pick whatever you want and they bring it to you and you pay for the luxury of not having to do it yourself ! Right ? But, I also like to stay home and have food brought to me. In her defense, Tess as you may know, doesn't like Thanksgiving.

She thinks that we should be thankful every day, and she's right. She thinks a table groaning with food one day of the year is blasphemous when we eat well every day, and she's right. She thinks the finale of Game of Thrones was wonderful and she's rig....hey, wait a minute !

But I digress.
I suddenly found myself in front of the frozen meals and thought how easy it would be to just pop them in the oven. I opened the glass door and pulled out a box.

Sliced breast, dressing, mashed
potatoes, gravy, vegetables, and cranberry sauce.

 I turned the box over. Only 500 calories😃👍!!! I took out 3 more and put them in the cart, went around the corner and grabbed a pie from the bakery and drove to the shortest line.
When I got home, I put our dinner in the freezer in the garage and went in the house.
Tess looked up in surprise when I came in the door.
Tess: Did you forget something?
Me: No, I'm all done.
Tess: You were only gone for an hour.
Me:😁 I know.
She asked if I needed help unpacking the bags.
Me: Nope ! There's only one.
Tess: 😕

I was pretty pleased with myself until the next day.
I got up early for the parade and my sweetie found me a few minutes later, set a tray with my breakfast on the coffee table beside my massage chair, kissed me and left. My Tess is not a fan of parades, but she likes the Broadway performances, so I called to her when they came on. Not the best year for Broadway, but then that's been the case for years now.
She asked if I needed any help with dinner. I said no. She went upstairs.
I called her for dinner at six.

When I set her plate in front of her, she looked shocked and then she laughed, but the look on my face must have told her that I wasn't kidding.

Plastic off, still frozen.

Truth be told, they didn't look much better after I cooked them. I sprinkled some chopped walnuts over the stuffing and added parsley like Tess always did.
The Hungry Man dinner tasted good, but there wasn't much there. Tess says "enough is as good as a feast" and she's right.
Me: Only 500 calories !
She smiled that indulgent smile of hers.
Me: I bought four. Just enough for sandwiches tomorrow !
She nodded.
Me: I bought a pumpkin pie 🥧!

Hey ! How come ours didn't come with lizards 😩 ?

(I sprinkled cinnamon on the coolwhip like she does).
We had our dessert in front of a  roaring fire later. 34 degrees tonight. Perfect snuggling weather🤗.

Tess: Would you like to do Christmas dinner this year?
Me: No.
Tess: Darn it.
Me: What ?
Tess: This was so relaxing. No dishes to wash, just the two of us.
Me:You weren't disappointed ?🤨
Tess: No.🙂 I liked it.
Me: Really ?
She snuggled close to me and I saw the advantages to a 500 calorie dinner😘.
Tess: It was perfect.☺️
And you know what ? She was right.😉

Please donate to your local food pantry, not only for the holidays, but during other times of the year.
The Food Network touts NO KID HUNGRY and other food charities, but their shows are some of the most blatant wasters of food. Especially "CHOPPED"!!! A whole turkey per contestant, a leg of lamb, an entire fish ??? They only have 30 minutes to cook it in most cases. Then the judges consume a forkful (at best). It's pretty sickening. Do they feed the crew with the rest ? Tess gave up on THE FOOD NETWORK and watches Japanese and Chinese cooking videos on YouTube now. I don't blame her. Between Bobby Flay's "competition" (FIX !!! A grown man still being called Bobby🙄?, Those FIVE hosts on THE KITCHEN (the second biggest wasters of ingredients), RACHAEL RAY (🤐) and THE PIONEER WOMAN ( I've always suspected that STEPFORD WIVES were real, I just didn't know they lived in Oklahoma !!!) Those baking shows with Duff and Valerie Bertinelli aren't bad, the kids are sweet, and nicer to each other than their adult counterparts, but those Halloween baking shows were disgusting ! Black, gray, green ,blue, and purple fondant should be outlawed!  I like GUY FIERI. The food he eats actually looks GOOD😋!!!(that may be why he's never been a judge on CHOPPED😄!!!)

             GONE FISHING,
          CATCH YOU LATER 😉🐟!!!

MEN MAKE DINNER DAY REDUX !!!

I got a headstart this year by cooking our Halloween dinner.

Italian sausage "mummies" wrapped
in mozzarella "bandages", on a bed of
Vermicelli "worms" .

Tess: What are the little black things?
Me: Scarabs !!! (Actually, they're black olives)
Tess: Honey, that's disgusting😛, but clever🤗!

Spider Deviled Eggs. (More olives)

 Then, because Tess already had the beginnings of her toothache, I made this dessert, to make her smile. And she did.😊 And that made me smile😁. ( It's us !!!)

Who says
Halloween
can't be......happy ? Not us😄!!!

Our uncarved Jack o'Lanterns seem to agree. They don't know that in a couple of days they're destined for pie🥧 filling and roasted seeds. Shhh 🤫, don't tell them. Let them enjoy themselves a little while longer. Life is short, especially for pumpkins🎃.
Now, where did I put my ax ???

I'VE BEEN TRICKED !!! THERE ARE NO TREATS !!! !!!😢🎃🦇🧛🧟🤡👽👻🤖🤠

The Bi-Monthly grocery order was delivered yesterday, and as always, I helped My Tess unload the bags and then she puts everything away according to her bizarre organization system. (Is it normal to keep cheese in the freezer ?🤨)

"Helping", gives me a preview of
what she'll be making in the next two weeks (I don't like surprises😵).
I expected the usual array, along with some special additions in honor of Halloween (she always outdoes herself for holidays), but as I unpacked the last bag, I asked if that was everything. She simply nodded.

Me:🤔Where's the candy🍫🍬🍭, the cookies🍪, the ice cream🍨, the pumpkins🎃???
Tess: 😒I did not order any.
Me: 🧐 Why not ?
Tess: 🤗Because I love you.
Me: 🤨 And that's how you show me ???
Tess: Yes😔.
Me: You're teasing me !!!
Tess: No.
Me: What's going on ?

Tess: Have you noticed anything about me? About my figure?
I looked her up and down.👀👀
Me: 😍 Adorable as always.
Tess: I've lost fourteen pounds since we came home.
Me: You have ? Why ???
Tess: Because I gained sixteen pounds while we were away! I was huge😣.
Me: Pleasingly plump, sweetie.🤗
Tess: 🤭.
Me: What does that have to do with Halloween ?

Tess: Nothing.
Me: You're losing me.
Tess: That's what I'm afraid of ! (She burst into tears and I had to put her out on the lawn for awhile. One busted water pipe this year is quite enough !!!) When she had calmed down, I asked her what she was talking about and she admitted that we had both been on the same program for two months and she had lost weight and I had gained.
(She made me get on the scale to prove it).
Tess: See, honey.
Me: 😕
I'm not blind, but these things sneak up on you. I LOVE FOOD !!!
(Especially hers😋) and I hate to workout, even though I know I should 🙄)

Dancing is exercise !

(she's already been in the pool and on the treadmill before I get up in the morning and she tries to get me to join her, bless
her, but I can't 😔. The bed's too cozy 😴).
Me: Calm down It's not the end of the world.
Tess: I love you and I don't want you to die !😢
Me:😲
After nine years, ten months (and.....counting) together, I know when she's serious.
Tess: You have been cheating.
Me: On YOU ??? Don't be ridiculous !!! Why would I want anyone else ???
Tess: You have been dining elsewhere. Do not fib to me.
Me: Does going through the drive-thru of Starbucks count ?

Tess: I suppose so.
Me: I tried Frito pie when I was out of town last weekend.
Tess: Well, a little piece of pie.....

Later, she said "What on Earth
is Frito Pie?" So I found this
picture and showed her. She just
shook her head at me and sighed😔.

Me: And Ben and Jerry's has a new flavor, it's called.....
Tess: Honneeeyyyyy !
Me: 🤪 Oh my ears 👂👂!!!
Tess: Now you know how I feel when you holler at me. I am sorry.😘😘😘 Now, come for a walk with me.
Me: Now ?😕
Tess: Please, honey.🤗

(Ten minutes later, we were about three houses away)

Me: Are we done yet ?
Tess: No.
Me: The breeze is making my hair move.
Tess: Fresh air and exercise are good for you.
Me: 😩.
Me: What are we giving the trick or treaters this year ?

Tess: You are not going to be home remember, and I thought I would  just turn off the porch light.
Me: Well, that's not very nice 😞 !
Tess: I know, but it won't be any fun without you. I suppose I could give apples🍎🍏.
Me: They're on the NO list, along with cookies, cupcakes, and anything homemade.
Tess: That's a shame. I remember when my grandmother used to give toffee popcorn balls, and candied apples and after seven o'clock, she used to leave them on her big yellow platter on the porch in case someone came by late.

Me: And no one stole it 🙁 ?
Tess: No, my mother still has it.
Me: Those days are gone😔 . Let's go shopping😁!
Tess: I have to pack your pilot case.
Me: I'm not going.
Tess: Why not?
Me: It was cancelled. They called me on Saturday.
Tess Why?
Me: There was an outbreak of chicken pox.😷

That's why the elephant was
on The Island of Misfit Toys,
because he was contagious, right?
Tess wants to know why the
little Ginger doll was there.

Tess: Oh, poor things!.......When were you going to tell me?
Me: I just did.
Tess: But, we do not have any costumes and I did not buy any treats! Oh, what do we do now? 😱

Me: TO WALMART !!!

Tess wanted apples, I wanted candy. So we compromised and wound up getting these candy apples

(actually, they're caramel) and gluten free, nut free popcorn balls in memory of Tess' grandmother.

I tried to sneak a case of little bags of Fritos into the cart, but she caught me 😒. I've
promised to stop cheating and that I'm going to start swimming with her every morning. The jokes on her. The pool will be frozen by next month. Until then, I promise I'll be good 😁🤞.

The things I do for love...😉💘😊

   HAPPY  HALLOWEEN !!!