I'VE BEEN TRICKED !!! THERE ARE NO TREATS !!! !!!😢🎃🦇🧛🧟🤡👽👻🤖🤠

The Bi-Monthly grocery order was delivered yesterday, and as always, I helped My Tess unload the bags and then she puts everything away according to her bizarre organization system. (Is it normal to keep cheese in the freezer ?🤨)

"Helping", gives me a preview of
what she'll be making in the next two weeks (I don't like surprises😵).
I expected the usual array, along with some special additions in honor of Halloween (she always outdoes herself for holidays), but as I unpacked the last bag, I asked if that was everything. She simply nodded.

Me:🤔Where's the candy🍫🍬🍭, the cookies🍪, the ice cream🍨, the pumpkins🎃???
Tess: 😒I did not order any.
Me: 🧐 Why not ?
Tess: 🤗Because I love you.
Me: 🤨 And that's how you show me ???
Tess: Yes😔.
Me: You're teasing me !!!
Tess: No.
Me: What's going on ?

Tess: Have you noticed anything about me? About my figure?
I looked her up and down.👀👀
Me: 😍 Adorable as always.
Tess: I've lost fourteen pounds since we came home.
Me: You have ? Why ???
Tess: Because I gained sixteen pounds while we were away! I was huge😣.
Me: Pleasingly plump, sweetie.🤗
Tess: 🤭.
Me: What does that have to do with Halloween ?

Tess: Nothing.
Me: You're losing me.
Tess: That's what I'm afraid of ! (She burst into tears and I had to put her out on the lawn for awhile. One busted water pipe this year is quite enough !!!) When she had calmed down, I asked her what she was talking about and she admitted that we had both been on the same program for two months and she had lost weight and I had gained.
(She made me get on the scale to prove it).
Tess: See, honey.
Me: 😕
I'm not blind, but these things sneak up on you. I LOVE FOOD !!!
(Especially hers😋) and I hate to workout, even though I know I should 🙄)

Dancing is exercise !

(she's already been in the pool and on the treadmill before I get up in the morning and she tries to get me to join her, bless
her, but I can't 😔. The bed's too cozy 😴).
Me: Calm down It's not the end of the world.
Tess: I love you and I don't want you to die !😢
Me:😲
After nine years, ten months (and.....counting) together, I know when she's serious.
Tess: You have been cheating.
Me: On YOU ??? Don't be ridiculous !!! Why would I want anyone else ???
Tess: You have been dining elsewhere. Do not fib to me.
Me: Does going through the drive-thru of Starbucks count ?

Tess: I suppose so.
Me: I tried Frito pie when I was out of town last weekend.
Tess: Well, a little piece of pie.....

Later, she said "What on Earth
is Frito Pie?" So I found this
picture and showed her. She just
shook her head at me and sighed😔.

Me: And Ben and Jerry's has a new flavor, it's called.....
Tess: Honneeeyyyyy !
Me: 🤪 Oh my ears 👂👂!!!
Tess: Now you know how I feel when you holler at me. I am sorry.😘😘😘 Now, come for a walk with me.
Me: Now ?😕
Tess: Please, honey.🤗

(Ten minutes later, we were about three houses away)

Me: Are we done yet ?
Tess: No.
Me: The breeze is making my hair move.
Tess: Fresh air and exercise are good for you.
Me: 😩.
Me: What are we giving the trick or treaters this year ?

Tess: You are not going to be home remember, and I thought I would  just turn off the porch light.
Me: Well, that's not very nice 😞 !
Tess: I know, but it won't be any fun without you. I suppose I could give apples🍎🍏.
Me: They're on the NO list, along with cookies, cupcakes, and anything homemade.
Tess: That's a shame. I remember when my grandmother used to give toffee popcorn balls, and candied apples and after seven o'clock, she used to leave them on her big yellow platter on the porch in case someone came by late.

Me: And no one stole it 🙁 ?
Tess: No, my mother still has it.
Me: Those days are gone😔 . Let's go shopping😁!
Tess: I have to pack your pilot case.
Me: I'm not going.
Tess: Why not?
Me: It was cancelled. They called me on Saturday.
Tess Why?
Me: There was an outbreak of chicken pox.😷

That's why the elephant was
on The Island of Misfit Toys,
because he was contagious, right?
Tess wants to know why the
little Ginger doll was there.

Tess: Oh, poor things!.......When were you going to tell me?
Me: I just did.
Tess: But, we do not have any costumes and I did not buy any treats! Oh, what do we do now? 😱

Me: TO WALMART !!!

Tess wanted apples, I wanted candy. So we compromised and wound up getting these candy apples

(actually, they're caramel) and gluten free, nut free popcorn balls in memory of Tess' grandmother.

I tried to sneak a case of little bags of Fritos into the cart, but she caught me 😒. I've
promised to stop cheating and that I'm going to start swimming with her every morning. The jokes on her. The pool will be frozen by next month. Until then, I promise I'll be good 😁🤞.

The things I do for love...😉💘😊

   HAPPY  HALLOWEEN !!!