THE MOMMY II: THE RETURN OF MRS.D.

(This post was delayed due to an "incident" wherein I accidentally deleted all of the pictures I had taken at the party and did not want to tell Tess. Well, she wheedled 😟(her word, not mine) it out of me and called her mother for the guest list and called everyone to see of anyone had taken pictures. She found three people who had and they texted her the pictures and she emailed them to the blog email and she put them up. Then she asked why I had not called her mother.😬I said I didn't want to annoy her (my very existence seems to be enough to do that). She smiled, knowingly and shook her head. "You two, honestly." 🐔 Yup, that's me. 
And Yes, that's what her mother really looks like !
When Tess took me home to meet her for the first time, I said :Do you know your mother looks like Atlanta from "Stingray"?  She giggled and said yes. I had already seen pictures of Tess' father who looked like Jeff Tracy from "Thunderbirds"

and her sister who looks like Venus from Fireball XL5.

I made the mistake of asking her mother if she had other relatives who look like Gerry Anderson marionettes. I think that was the beginning of her utter disdain for me.

Last Month (APRIL 1st) , My Tess and I were invited to an Easter brunch 🐇🐤🌷at a friend's house. Now, Easter is probably Tess' favorite holiday, but we've been so busy this year and she had already done my birthday🎈, Christmas, 🎄Valentine's Day, 💝and St. Patrick's Day 🍀so I accepted the invitation. She had already decorated the house when I got up the courage to tell her. She asked to see the invitation, looked at it for a long time, sighed (at this point I expected her to burst into tears), then smiled sweetly and said -
Tess: I will wear my new pink dress. What will you wear ?
Me: Do I have to wear a suit ?
Tess: No.But your blue one is back from the cleaners. (Then she smiled sweetly). You do not have to wear a tie.
Easter morning we got up, had a light breakfast, exchanged Easter baskets and then got dressed (I wore the blue suit,without a tie.)
We went to the brunch (I wasn't the only guy there in a suit !!!), had a nice time and when we got home there were no dishes, no tidying up to do and ......................NO LEFTOVERS !!! 😭

Tess: Look in the refrigerator, Honey.

Ahhh! Twenty-eight deviled eggs, all for me !!! 😊Bliss.

Then one day, a few weeks later, Tess' mother (the infamous Mrs.D. of last summer's Disco party) who had been on a month long trip to Japan with friends, called to say that she was home and having a homecoming brunch with an Easter theme.

Tess: Easter was three weeks ago, Mother !
(I motioned for Tess to put her on speaker phone.)
Mrs. D. : Well yes, I know that , but they do not celebrate Easter in Japan and I missed it, so I am having it now.
Tess; But Mr.Cham is home and we are relaxing because his schedule will be very busy for the next two months.
Mrs.D : Well, HE can come too. (HE or HIM, that's me. I don't know if she actually doesn't know my name or if she doesn't remember it. She used to refer to me as "THAT MAN", so it's kind of an improvement. Kind of)
Tess: I will have to ask him.
(I shook my head)
Mrs. D: But YOU will come !
Tess: Next time.
Mrs. D: But you have to come ! I want you to make the brunch ! ( I KNEW IT😠 !!!)
Tess: For how many people ?
Mrs. D: Oh,......only eleven. Thirteen including you....and HIM. With myself it will be fourteen.
(Shaking my head until I thought it would fall off.)
Tess: That is very short notice, mother.
Mrs.D. :I sent out the invitations last week and I have already heard from half of the list.
Tess; Why did you not call me last week ?
Mrs.D: I forgot.
I think I saw flames shoot out of my sweet girl's nostrils.🔥🐲

Mrs. D : Miss Belle will be there and she is SOOOOO looking forward to seeing you. She was heartbroken when you cancelled Christmas with her. (Guilt Guilt Guilt)
Tess: We had to go to England.
Mrs.D: HE had to go to England. You did not have to go with him.
Tess: Yes. I did. I promised him.
Mrs. D: You promised Miss Belle first and then you broke that promise.
Tess: I talked to her before we went. She understood. And I sent her a lovely Christmas present from England.
A LITTLE BACKSTORY: Miss Belle was Tess' nanny and then governess from the time she was seven weeks old until she was nineteen. As far as Tess is concerned, Miss Belle is her "Mama" and  Tess' mother is her (s)mother.  So Mrs.D. knows how to guilt her.

Tess: (whispering to me)  Will you go ?
Me: When?
Tess: When are you planning it for ?
Mrs. D: This weekend. Otherwise it will run into Mother's Day.
Tess: It will have to count as both because Mr.Cham has a prior commitment that week and I am going with him.
Mrs. D: Fine.
Tess: Do you have a menu ?
Mrs. D: No. I'll leave that to you. But do a few Japanese dishes too.
Tess: Japanese food ! Should I wear a kimono too ?
Mrs. D : Oh, I bought you two ! You can try them on when you get here and I can decide which one you should wear.
Tess: Did you buy one for HIM?

Mrs. D : No. Why would I do that? But on the subject of his wardrobe.....
Tess: You want him to wear a suit...,?
Mrs. D. : Well, that WOULD be nice, but I was more concerned with his...hat.
Tess: What about it ?
Mrs.D;  The new one is a great improvement ! I can almost see what you see in him. Almost. Tell him to wear the ivory one.
Tess: He is not a child, Mother. But I will forwards your sartorial suggestion. (That's my girl !!!😁)Well, I will have to see what I can do on such short notice and get back to you.
Mrs.D. : Fine.
The phone clicked off. Mrs.D. is one of those annoying people who never says goodbye, they simply hang up.

Me: You're not going.....are you ???
Tess: I would like to see Miss Belle.
Me: Send her a plane ticket. My treat.
Tess: You are sweet. But...it will kill two poor birds with one stone and I can say we are booked if anything else comes up. I'll understand if you do not go with me. (I could see the pout getting ready to appear)
Me: I'll meet you there.
Tess: (pout reverting to relieved smile) Thank you, honey !

So Tess took the train to Florida with her friend Lily to prepare the food and I flew down on the day of the brunch. I was greeted at the door by ......

THE GINGER GEISHA !!! 

who ran down the steps and into my arms. and gave me the best kiss of my life !(and that's saying something where she's concerned 😘!)
Me: You look adorable !
Tess: Oh,thank you. I am so glad to see you ! You look so handsome ! No one else is here yet.
Me: Including your mother ?
Tess: She is still primping in her room. How was your flight ?
Me: Alright.
Tess.: Good. Come to the kitchen. I want you to sample the food.
Me: I'm your man !

The brunch was beautiful. Before she left NY, my clever girl had bought a sushi making kit on Amazon.com and had it delivered to her mother's house along with her grocery order (and billed it to her mother's account !😛) Then when she arrived in Florida she made 125 pieces of assorted SUSHI !!!

 60 yakitori skewers, 30 beef and 30 chicken.

Vegetable tempura

The requisite rice.
and some of her own specialties. Deviled eggs with salmon roe.

And some little sandwiches (chicken

salad, roast beef, and cucumber)

She's amazing !!!😲 (Now that I know she can make sushi, we have made a deal. I stop tracking muddy boot prints into her kitchen, and I get homemade sushi once a week. YES !!!🍣) She asked if she should make a salad. I said no one eats salad when they go to other people's houses. She looked at me and smiled sweetly. "Well, I know that YOU don't."😉(Neither does she.)

Dessert was green tea ice cream and French butter cookies.


            She was going to make little Godzilla

shaped ones (she is a lifelong Godzilla fan), but the sushi took too much time.) They were still delicious ! (I think it's illegal to eat Godzilla in Japan anyway. isn't it ? Well, it SHOULD be !!!)🦖😋

 And Miss Belle had called in the meantime and asked if there was anything she could bring. Tess asked if she could bring a dessert. She brought brownies,

lemon bars

and this nifty fruit basket !

Tess says she could have cried (I'm betting that she did), she was so happy. I was happy too !😋Miss Belle taught her how to bake when she was little(er), so I won't get in trouble for drooling.

While we were eating, Mrs. D suddenly announced the following:
Mrs.D: Did you all know that in Japan only 2% of the population is obese !
I looked up and found her staring down the table at me. Then everyone's eyes turned my way.  AWKWARD !!!😬
Me: (smiling "sweetly") I take it that was meant for me?
She only smiled (faux sweetly).
I started to reply, when a small red headed pitbull suddenly jumped to my defense. (Again.)
Tess:  He is NOT obese ! His doctor said so recently. !
Mrs. D : A REAL doctor, or that herbalist YOU go to ?
Tess: A real doctor ! And my herbalist is also a holistic healer and she is excellent ! Better than any "real" doctor I have seen. I have never felt better!
Me: And you look AMAZING !!!
Tess: (blushing adorably) Oh thank you, honey ! 💋💏
That received a disapprovingly look from Mrs. D. who "does approve of public displays of affection".😁(Aw, Shucks. Hee Hee !!!)
After the buffet, Mrs. D announced that she had discovered Karaoke (not literally of course, and decades too late) and led us into the lounge and sat down at the piano. She had apparently NOT discovered Karaoke machines.

Mrs.D: (turning to Tess) What are you going to sing ?
Tess:  Oh no! I am only the caterer.
Mrs. D: But you did not sing at my birthday party !
Tess: I am not a singer.
Mrs.D: You used to sing all the time. You were singing in the kitchen last night. (Turns to me) I bet she sings for YOU !
Me: Well, she sings when she cooks, but she stops if I come in the room.
Mrs. D: Make her sing !
Me: (Laughing until my sides ached) I don't MAKE her do anything.

Mrs D: You have her wrapped around your little finger.
Me: I think you have that backwards.
Mrs. D: Do YOU sing ?
Me: No M'am !
She stared me down (even though she is much shorter than I am) and then walked away.
Me: Are you going to sing, Baby ?
Tess: No!
Me: Oh. (I tried not to look too disappointed but apparently failed.)
Tess:  But I will if YOU want me to.
I smiled. She says all I have to do is smile and she melts. I don't know if that means I have her wrapped around my "little" finger, but it's very sweet. Anyway, she looked through the music books on the piano while Mrs.D. honored us with
a medley from The Sound of Music. She IS a very talented pianist. I'll give her that.

Then, my Tess gave her the music she had chosen.
Mrs. D: This ? Why do you want to sing this ? I don't even know it.
Tess: (looking at me) It is not for YOU. (ZING !!!😃)
Mrs. D: WELL !!! Thank you very much !
 The two of them are a riot. They should have their own reality show. Wait, that's a really bad idea. I don't want to be the lone Yankee in a sea of  fired up, red headed Southern Belles with a camera rolling. No, thank you !

One of the other guests offered to play for Tess and Mrs.D. got up and he took her place at the piano. Then My Tess told a little story of how I took her to see "The Little Mermaid" on Broadway for her birthday the first year after she came to work for me. (She loved the show but at one point I looked over to find that she was crying. I leaned over and asked what was wrong but she only gave me a little smile and shook her head. Her eyes were filled with tears though. I let it go, we enjoyed the rest of the show and went to dinner afterwards and frankly, I forgot to ask what had made her cry.) She told the other guests that during "If Only" the lyrics touched her so much that she started to cry. She said she already knew that she was falling in love with me but that it wasn't possible that I could feel the same about her, especially after only knowing each other for a few months. She never told me that before. It made me want to cry too, considering how many years it took for us to be together.
                                 
Then Tess sang and I found yet another reason to love her. 💘And the look her mother gave me was .....priceless. I couldn't keep from smiling.😁

                                                    Mermaid by Sharandula -Deviant Art

It wasn't until one of the other guests took their turn that I saw her husband take his phone out and lay it on the coffee table and my heart sank.

Me:Are you recording this ?
Him: Yes. I love it when she sings and I want to be able to play it back later for my friends.
😖Why didn't I think of that ???????????????😭

I told Tess later and she said she was glad I hadn't recorded her. As I've said before, she harbors absolutely no artistic aspirations. That she allows the food photos is surprising enough. But she has promised that the next time I catch her singing in the kitchen, she won't stop. That's enough for me.

So, that was the party and luckily there aren't any upcoming holidays  (Until Tess' birthday JULY 7th) and we'll be pretty busy for the next couple of months with work related activities so I think we'll both be safe from Mrs.D. for a while. At least until..............................