Sunday, December 24, 2017

We Wish You A Merry Christmas......and A Happy New Year !!! (UPDATED JANUARY 4TH)

 Every year My Tess plans the holidays around a different theme which includes the decorations, the menus, the music, activities, even what we wear.

In the nine years (this month) since she became a part of my life and ultimately, stole my heart
(Aww ! 😊😍) we have had had Victorian, Russian, Hawaiian, French Creole, Amish, Renaissance, German, and last year Depression Era Christmas which wasn't depressing at all and was actually fun !

 A few months ago I was informed that it was not 2017, that it was, in fact, 1943 (she changed it to 1945 later) and that we are at war !!!😨 Not us.We're fine, but that our Christmas theme this year will be WWII. Of course, she got her idea from those BBC farm shows that she loves (especially Wartime Farm. I think she has a crush on Peter 😣.)
When I saw the first grocery list I noticed that there wasn't a turkey on it anywhere but there was a "murkey". Is that a typo ???

When I found out that business would keep me away from home for Christmas this year I expected tears, but Tess is adaptable and has learned over the years that plans may have to change without much notice. "Have slow cooker, will travel" is her credo. As you may know, we have been talking about selling the house and moving to a small farm and there are so many beautiful farms over here that I thought it might be a nice idea to find one where we could spend the holidays (who wants to spend Christmas in a hotel ?) and at the same time we could get a taste of farm life without actually moving. I'm not trying to talk her out of it ,I simply want to be sure about what we're getting ourselves into.

I wanted to surprise Tess, so I looked at a few farm stays websites and found one that sounded perfect, paid them a visit and made the arrangements. Tess thought we would be celebrating in the aforementioned hotel so when I told her to pack yesterday morning,she was surprised but she did it and we drove out of the city and into the country. Where are we going? , she asked once. You'll see, I told her, Because she trusts me, she didn't jump out of the speeding car and eventually I slowed down and turned into a hidden dirt road. I put the windows down and told her to inhale. Horses!,she smiled. A few moments later the horses appeared in a pasture in the distance. I tooted the horn and someone opened the gate so that we could drive through. We parked and got out and I introduced my better half to the owner. As everyone who is lucky enough to meet her is, he was charmed by her, which made me feel six and a half feet tall. He told us the cottage was all ready and to let them know if we needed anything. Tess looked at me. I told her I had rented a cottage for us for the holidays. She was speechless and when we drove past the barn and she saw it, she was thrilled. The cottage is small, (for me,not her.) but Tess thinks it is utterly charming and perfect. YAY !😁

After we unloaded the car, including Tess' two steamer trunks (I'm kidding ! She only has one) ,we settled in and Tess made tea from the welcome basket in the little kitchen, then we had a nap and later, took a walk around the farm, visited the horses, cows and........GEESE !!!
(psycho main title theme ) We gathered up an armload (mine) of wonderfully fragrant fallen greenery and took it back to decorate the cottage. Tess brought one of her little feather trees (goose feathers, of course) and I sat by the fire and watched her decorate it from her ornament box. Thinking we would be in a hotel, she had wanted to make it cozy and festive. And it is.

Our tree and the putz underneath it. No, the tree is not exploding, but three strands of twinkle lights on a two foot tree is apparently too much. It looks great in person !

The nativity is the smallest one I have ever seen. Tess thinks it is 1/12 scale but she can't remember.

The deer family is bigger than the holy family but she loves them "dearly".
She made the graham cracker houses

and the spice cookie ornaments,



she  has been collecting the gold bead and pearl garlands and glass ornaments since she was a child.


 I had fun playing with the train set.


These are my contribution to the decorations. It's us if we were snow people.
I used the egg shells Tess discarded when she made our tea.
Me: Are you sure you don't want these ?   Her: Yes. What are you going to do with them ?
Me: Secret.  She only smiled indulgently. When I showed her later she thought they were adorable and had me put them on the table with the tree and wanted a picture. She would have made a great mother. She will be a great stepmother.

Today we went into the nearby village to pick up groceries for our Christmas dinner, Boxing Day, etc.
It is a pretty little village and Tess had great fun in the shops. She doesn't like supermarkets in the U.S. which is why she orders the groceries, but she enjoys food shopping here. She only rejoined me recently and I was really missing her home cooking after months of restaurants and take out. I've outgrown most of my clothes since she's been here, but I'm not complaining (and neither is she πŸ˜‰.)

Here's the menu for our Christmas Dinner-

 I asked Tess how we could have all of this with rationing in WWII and she said that a smart and frugal wife would have been saving up and doing without for months in order to provide her husband with a Christmas dinner fit for a King.  That's my baby. πŸ’‘

Tess is baking now and the cottage smells amazing. The cottage came with a good supply of firewood so I won't be doing any lumber jacking while we're here but I can still enjoy building up a nice, big roaring fire. It's cold here now but I don't think we'll be getting a white Christmas. We wouldn't have back home either.(Although it's apparently snowing there now. Typical.)  I asked Tess if we were sticking to the WWII theme. We are. She says we can pretend that I'm a General home on leave. Do I get to wear a uniform ? No, she said.you're on leave.
That doesn't seem fair.😞 Oh well, at least I'm not expected to do anything expect be a good sport. No shopping, no cooking, no heavy lifting. And tomorrow there will be a great dinner and presents (What the heck is that ? Did I ask for one of those? I'm kidding. She knows me like a book and always gives me exactly what I need or want because she remembers what I say all year long.) and music and shows and movies, sticking to the theme, although via her laptop. I know it will be fun and it pleases her to please me πŸ˜—. I've never had anyone go to the effort that she does to make life and especially holidays unique and enjoyable. And it isn't about how much money is spent. I had an ex who thought that's what mattered, and maybe back then I did too, but I'm a different person now. A happier, wiser, more relaxed and contented person with my values and priorities in order and My Tess deserves 90% of the credit for that. Although she was born with a silver spoon in her rosebud mouth she is the sweetest, most down to earth and genuinely good person that I have ever known. She's a homebody by nature, camera shy to a fault, is always a lady, has no artistic inclinations and thinks I hung the moon. I am truly blessed. My only complaint- I have to remind her to cash her paychecks and then she hands them back to me "for the farm". I see the household account and monthly bills and marvel at how my angel does so much while spending so little. (I think she should hold seminars or write a book. She always laughs when I say that.) She says that she was taught by the best. Nope, not her mother, who has more shoes than Imelda Marcos, but by her Nanny/Governess, Miss Belle. If we had been home for Christmas this year, Miss Belle was going to celebrate with us for the first time. She rarely leaves Louisiana, so Tess was very excited. (Tess' mother is spending the holidays in France with Tess' sister, so I'm VERY excitedπŸ˜‰!) I feel bad that we had to cancel on Miss Belle, but we'll make it up to her somehow.

A former "friend" of mine never called Tess by her name, referring to her instead as "The Ginger Geisha"
because of the way that she looked after me and pampered me, long before either of us even thought of becoming a couple. Tess did not care for the nickname (or the friend) but she never admitted it. As annoying as he was, he didn't lose my friendship until he tried to poach my Tess with offers of more money, travel, her own Mercedes (she despises cars and would gladly vote for the return of the horse and buggy. That's how dumb he was). He also thought that she wouldn't tell me but she did because his "offers" became increasingly ungentlemanly and she asked me to tell him to stop, which I did before I gave him his walking papers. He went too far when he called her a liar- which she is not- and he was unceremoniously banished from our lives. She told me she would rather live in a mud hut with me and cook over an open fire and do the laundry in a creek, all for free, rather than work for a neanderthal like him !

I think that was the day that I fell in love with her.  For the first time. πŸ’•


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY ! WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT YEAR !(Here's our little Christmas video).
  HOLIDAY UPDATE
********************************************                                                   
The note in our welcome basket invited us to Christmas Eve service in the village church so we bundled up and went. Although neither of us is Episcopalian, we enjoyed the sermon and music in the charming little Victorian church built in 1872 .Back at the cottage we warmed up again with hot chocolate and cookies and then turned in. The cottage has feather beds (GEESE AGAIN !!!)

and it was like sleeping on a cloud. In the morning I woke up to the aroma of Tess' delicious coffee☕ and something baking in the oven. I got up and showered and dressed (still no uniform 😞) but my robe and slippers were laid over the chair by the fireplace and I put them on and went downstairs. Before I could even say "MERRY CHRISTMAs", I was handed a big mug of my beloved bean (how someone who doesn't drink coffee can make such great coffee, is beyond me) and a plate with a hot, flaky apple turnover (shaped like a bow tie for some reason)
I also got a very sweet good morning kissπŸ’ from a very adorable redhead. πŸ’“The tree was litπŸŽ„, Bing Crosby was singing "White Christmas", I put a couple of logs on the fire πŸ”₯and settled into "my" chair and Tess joined me to open our gifts to one another.🎁🎁
We didn't have room under the tree so we piled them on the sideboard where, if you look closely, there is a fireplace playing Christmas carols on the laptop even though we have a perfectly nice one across the room.

Apparently, we will be expecting an addition to our family around April.


That's right, I've gone insane and ordered a Virgil Tracy doll for Tess from BIG CHIEF STUDIOS AND SIDESHOW TOYS. There is a waiting list and he will probably arrive around Easter but I couldn't resist giving her this card in one of her packages.
She screamed with delight. πŸ™€

 I'll probably live to regret it. I can see it now. Virgil sitting in my chair at the table (in a booster seat),
wearing clothes I've grown out of, taking afternoon naps with her and sitting on the kitchen counter playing his tiny white piano while she sings and cooks for HIM !!! OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE !!!😱 Calm down, maybe she'll get bored with him like kids do with their toys. I'll probably find him in a box in the garage with her other discarded childhood puppets. No, not My Tess, she'll love him even if his thick hair falls out and he loses his action figure physique and gets termites. It's alright, I'll order a Tin-Tin doll for me and the four of us can have dinner together and watch movies and...What am I saying ??? It's a doll ! Then again, so was CHUCKY ! I'd better watch my back. I wonder if they have a Hood doll.....
Aha ! I'm ready for you Virgil. Bring it on !

I had a previous social obligation in London that afternoon so I got dressed and drove into the city.
Tess' plans for the day included cooking and joining the owners to feed apples🍎🍬πŸͺ, peppermints and gingerbread cookies to the horses. She was also hoping to procure an unfertilized goose egg for the custard for our cake (She did !) 

                                                Our hostess graciously let Tess take this photo to show me the difference between one of those and a chicken egg.
                                            We're going to need some bigger cartons !!!😯

 I was back in time to shower, and join Tess for her afternoon nap (one of her beauty secrets. I don't want to know what the others are). The note next to the slow cooker said - Dinner at eight ? That sounded good to me as I climbed into the feather bed and went to Heaven.

We didn't wake up until after nine (Darn Tryptofan !) but nothing was ruined and we sat down at Tess' very pretty and festively set table.



She even made our hats. Hers is pink, mine is blue.
Tess doesn't believe in small crackers. She used empty baked bean tins instead ! Toffees, candy canes, sesame honey candy, barley candy, gum.


We  listened to a Bob Hope Christmas radio show and 40's music while we ate.

BOEUF  BOURGUIGNON






GRATIN DAUPHINOIS (Au Gratin Potatoes)







Later, we slow danced under the kissing ball,πŸ˜‰to the Michael Buble CπŸ˜–hristmas album.
then moved to the sofa and had dessert.🍰🍨 ☕



Apparently we were celebrating Mery Cheestoes 145. (I'm kidding !!! She isn't laughing.)

It was really delicious !!! πŸ˜‹πŸ˜ The pictures don't do it justice. Yellow cake, vanilla custard, sour cherry jam, whipped cream and buttercream frosting and pomegranate jewels (I've been instructed not to call them seeds) and sliced almonds.

We watched movies:

WHITE CHRISTMAS (1955) Because it starts at the end of WWII it met our viewing criteria.

The Bells of St.Mary's (1945)

Tess loves Ingrid Bergman and this movie made her want to become a nun. She changed her mind
(lucky for me !!!πŸ˜…) when she found out that nuns weren't allowed to have ponies.



Christmas Dinner was delicious ,as you can see, but the next day we decided to postpone Boxing Day until New Year's Day (sacrilege, I know). It was a gastronomic overload so we took a break for a few days.

 On New Year's Eve I had another social obligation and I asked Tess to come with me but she begged off and I went with friends. In her defense, she doesn't like crowds, loud music, and she doesn't drink ,so I wasn't surprised when she said no, but I always like to ask her anyway. I called her at Midnight and woke her to say Happy New Year. The sound of her sweet,sleepy voice made me wish I had stayed at the cottage with her. When I got home she was asleep but she had left a dish with 12 grapes for me (does anyone else do this ? She says her family always did. It's supposed to be lucky for the coming year.).Of course, I ate them and went to bed.

New Year's Day started late in the afternoon after several mugs of Tess' hangover cure (for me,
not her) and a couple of bananas, a nice long bath and a massage. Now, I was ready for Fish and Chips, Waldorf salad,
Ginger Beer, and more cake. Tess compiled a playlist of our favorite Britcoms and we spent the rest of the evening on the sofa watching -

                                                                FAWLTY TOWERS









MR. BEAN



                                                                                              GRACE AND FAVOUR


ARE YOU BEING SERVED ?









                                                               THE                                                              GOOD LIFE

ONLY WHEN I LAUGH









                                                                 BLACKADDER

                                                                ALLO, ALLO


AND OF COURSE (though technically, not a Britcom) ,


 WARTIME FARM
(I also received bars of soap and an orange, (among other very nice things.) two gifts highly prized at Christmas during WWII. My Tess loves history.)

Spending the holidays here was a great idea, if  I do say so myself,  Tess and I could see ourselves living here someday. We were invited for cocktails the day after New Year's (we both had ginger beer) and the owners happened to mention that they might be getting ready to sell the farm and move closer to their son and his family. They are both in their 70's and although it is only twenty acres, the place is too much for the two of them and a hired man to take care of. 

I looked at Tess.
                                                                 Tess looked at me.

I'm not sure what will happen, but we've decided to take a few more days to think it over. 

We'll keep you posted.πŸ˜‰

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

NATIONAL EGG DAY ???






Well, who the heck knew there was such a thing ? I sure didn't.

We've been starting preliminary packing to move in the next couple of months (hopefully before the holidazeπŸŽ„ πŸŽ… ⛄ , but most likely after the New Year πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸ»πŸŒΉ) .

So last Saturday after breakfast : French toast (!!! 😍),
 I decided to start with the garage. Great idea, right ? πŸ˜– Wrong.

O.k, I have to say it. My Tess is a pack rat. No, she's not a member of the famous Rat Pack consisting of Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Frank Sinatra
and Joey Bishop, although she is a lifelong fan of Dean Martin and her childhood dream job was "to be one of Mr. Martin's "Golddiggers" ,

 the girls who sang and danced behind him on his television show in the 1970's (She once won first prize in a birthday party dance contest πŸ’ƒfor having the best beat. She did "The Pony" 🐎. She still does sometimes. It's really cute.😁) She admits to owning a pair of white Go-Go boots and wearing her hair like the second girl from the right (front row) for several years in her pre-teens.

She didn't know that she was watching old videos, that the show was no longer on tv. When she found out, she was crushed.😭 (Frankly, I'm relieved. When I look at them, I can't help but think of the FEMBOTS from the Austin Powers movie.)😫

DEAN MARTIN AND THE GOLDDIGGERS









AUSTIN POWERS AND THE FEMBOTS








            
Does anyone else find this a little.......................creepy ?  😟



Anyway, she IS a pack rat ! πŸ€ She saves the wierdest things. In a corner of the garage is a big box, a HUGE box, the size of a small car πŸš— that is filled with , I kid you not, empty egg cartons !😣
I was bored, so I did a little "rearranging".

YOU'VE HEARD OF THE EGYPTIAN PYRAMIDS ,

THE DUFF GARDENS BEERAMID,
















NOW PRESENTING (FANFARE)...............................THE OVAMID !!!



Sooooo, the other day when I found these I went into the house and found her making lunch.

Me: Baby, you aren't planning to take all of those empty egg cartons with us, are you ?
Her: Yes.
Me: Why ?
Her: I am going to use them.
Me: For what ?
Her:  I am going to plant seedlings 🌱🌱🌱in them.
Me: Oh. Does that work ?
Her: I do not know.
APPARENTLY, IT DOES.


Me: Well, why don't you try it now and if it doesn't then I can drag that box out to the curb.
Her: No.
Me: Why not ?
Her: Because we can still use them for the eggs.🍳
Me: What eggs ?🍳🍳🍳
Her: The ones the chickens πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”will lay and then I can take the ones we don't use and sell them at the farmers market.
Me: Where was I when WE decided to raise chickens.🐣🐀πŸ₯πŸ”
Her: England.πŸ’‚
Me: And when were you going to tell ME ?
Her: I did.
Me: Why don't I remember ?
Her: Mmmm, πŸ˜‡  you may have been asleep.😴
Me: I thought you didn't like chickens.
Her: I would rather have geese ,but you will not let me have them because of that "incident" in your childhood.
Me: Hey, those things are vicious !!!


Her: Oh, they are not. You are as bad as Alex and Peter and Tom. (From the BBC farm shows that she loves)  Goose eggs are yummy and geese make better fertilizer. And better watchdogs.
Me: No.
Her: (sighs)
Me: But where did you get all of them ? Even you couldn't have eaten 1,067 eggs !!! (I did the math while I was typing this up).
Her: Honey, don't holler. it does not become you. The neighbors.
Me: What about the neighbors ?
Her: They are outside. They might think that we are fighting.
Me: We are !
Her: (giggling)  Oh, we are not.

She went back to cooking and I looked out the kitchen window and saw our closest neighbor waxing his new car. His "better half " was talking to him and then she turned and started to walk towards our house and she was carrying something. When she came closer I could see what it was. EGG CARTONS 😧!!!  I went out the back door,snuck around the side of the house and opened the garage door as she was walking in.

Me: Hi ! Watcha doing ?
Mrs. X : Oh, I've been saving these for Tess and I thought I'd bring them over.

She dropped them into the now empty box. Then she saw the Ovamid.

Mrs. X :Oh, how cute ! You two are so creative.
Me: Thanks. I was bored. Um, so how long have you been contributing to my sweetie's insanity?
( She could see that I wasn't kidding.)
Mrs. X : (She laughed nervously)  A few months.
Me: WHY ???πŸ˜†
Mrs. X: Well, she asked if she could have our empty egg cartons and she's just so sweet that I couldn't say no. Uhh, have you always had that throbbing vein in your forehead? Maybe you should have that looked at.
Me: Thanks, I will. Right after Tess' sanity hearing.
Mrs. X : (laughs) Oh, she's harmless.

She walked away.

Mrs. X: Oh! Don't forget dinner on Friday.
Me: Souffle or quiche ?
Mrs. X : Oh, you !
And she laughed all the way back to her house.
I sighed and added the new cartons to the ovamid and took another picture. Then I put them all back in the box. Maybe Mrs.X was right. It was harmless. I mean, it was only egg cartons, right.  it's not as if my future wife and stepmother to my children was collecting something really weird like ........oh, I don't know.
I smiled and walked over to close the garage door when I saw another box. I walked over to it, looked inside, and felt a cold chill run up my spine. OH... MY...GOD.





I backed away and put the egg cartons all back in the box and closed the garage. I'd had enough for one day and I had worked up an appetite. When I went back inside Tess was setting the table. I went upstairs and cleaned up and when I came down again, lunch was served. I had my mouth all set for pasta but that's not what she made. To be fair, I didn't ask for anything ahead of time. She likes at least an hour's notice, but my stomache doesn't work that way.

Anyway, my precious set before me a beautiful cheese omelette (3 eggs, two kinds of cheese) and fried potatoes.


 Delicious as always. πŸ˜‹

As she was clearing the table,  I asked my little turtle dove what she was going to do with 1,067 plastic honey bottles.

Her: Oh, I only have one of those....so far.

I wanted to put her over my knee and spank her. 😠 Maybe later. πŸ˜‰

Me: But what are you going to do with them ?
Her: Have you ever thought of having an apiary ?
Me: BEES !!! 🐝🐝🐝😬 NO !!!  I'll buy you a pony.
Her: I do not want a pony.
Her: Martha has beehives. You do not have to do anything and at the end of the year a nice man comes and extracts the honey for you and you have pounds and pounds of raw, organic honey 🍯practically for free !
Me: You're not allowed to talk to Martha anymore. She's a bad influence. Next, you'll want me to plant those spooky looking apple 🍏trees she has that only look good on Halloween.
Her: No, those apple are too tart.
Me: Good. Did you get this chicken thing from her too?
Her: No. From "Babe."
Me: We are NOT raising pigs !
Her: I only want one. They practically raise themselves.
Me: I'm getting you a pony.
Her: I do not want a pony !
Me: You can't ride a pig.
Her: I will have to take your word for that.
Me: Zing !
Her: Silly.

Why do I keep wanting to sing the theme from "Green Acres" ?

Her: I think you would look very handsome in a vest and you would not have to worry about your tummy.
Me: What tummy ? Are you going to wear penoir sets and maribou slippers while you cook breakfast and keep threatening to leave me and go home to your mother ?
Her : Yes. And No.
Me: At least YOU can cook. I mean, she was pretty too, but.......
Her: Thank you.
Me: Alright. I can live with the chickens, I guess. And I'll think about the bees and we can talk about the pig.
Her:Thank you.
Me:Anything else ?
Her: Ostriches.
Me:Are you crazy ?!! They're worse than geese !
Her: Well, where am I going to get the maribou for my slippers ?
Me: Uh, A store ? Try Ebay. Why can't you be like other women and ask for diamonds, fur coats, or a new car ?
Her: Would you love me if I were that cliched ?
Me: No.
Her: Let's talk about the pigs now.
Me: ONE pig.
Her: It will be lonely.
Me: Babe was only pig and so was Wilbur. ( from Charlotte's Web")
Her: Babe had Fly and Wilbur had Charlotte and Templeton.
Me: So now you want a dog and a spider and a rat ?
Her: Yes.
Me: Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend !
Her: Not this girl.
Me: I think you're a little tetched in the head.

She came over and gave me a "Scully". A kiss on the forehead ala Gillian Anderson on the X-Files.
Apparently, redheads think this is sexy. (Actually, it is.) Then she gave me a  patented "Tess" kiss, 😚 the content of which I will keep to myself. (It's not what you think. )

Her: I love you too, Honey.
Me: Yeah, YOU would.


A few hours later when we sat down to dinner.

Oh look ! Steak and EGGS !!!


What ? No deviled EGGS ???😧

And later that night for dessert...........

EGG Custard !!!😟
This was getting ridiculous !!!πŸ˜–


Me: What the heck is going on ?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Why are you feeding me nothing but eggs ???
Her: It happens to be National Egg Day. I told you yesterday.
Me: You did not .
Her: Yes, I did.
Me: Where was I ?
Her: Mmmm, you may have been on the telephone.😞
Me: Are you making these "holidays" up ?
Her: No.
Me: I want to see that calender.
Her:  I bookmarked it.

I looked for it, but I couldn't find it. I'm going to keep looking.
There has to be something I can drive HER crazy with. 😈

I know I shouldn't complain. Everything was deliciousπŸ˜‹, but I found a feather when I combed my hair this morning.

And now I'm scared.😱

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

GONE FISHIN' !


                             ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH !    I CAUGHT ME A WHOPPER  !!!πŸ˜²πŸ˜‰

Featured Post

YOU FOUND US !!!

WELCOME former IMDb  message board compatriots and hopefully some new fans of  yours truly. We , being My Tess  ,or Tess d'Urbervill...